Summertime fun begins?

So I'm almost there. Summer term is done. I just have to get my essay finished and posted to the class blog - Design & Culture. Then I can spend all my time with Lil Bean again. She's got more new teeth cutting through, and when she's not irritable, has been really into exploring the world. She is so engaging. I can't wait to share her excitement again. Being separate, even just a couple hours a day, has been a real shift and is so uncomfortable.
Here's the last photo taken of her gummy smile. Her front teeth cut through the day after this was taken. I miss her gummy face.

Here's some more pics, since it's been a while...Here she is with her front teeth, top and bottom! What a great smile!!! She even eats her veggies.And, now, if you look closely, you'll see on either side of her top front teeth, there are little buds of teeth coming in. This was taken the morning after I posted "It's like cutting teeth." The following picture was taken during the sleepless night... I can't remember if this was laughing or crying. Probably it was a bit of both.

It's like cutting teeth

It would be so easy if teething was not an ongoing thing. Last week Lil Bean was cutting two teeth. They finally broke through on Sunday. By Tuesday evening she's cutting two more... this time it is her incisors!

I would love to have a nap!!! Late night scream fests are making me wonder what happened to my sweet baby. I know she's just in pain, and wish there was more I could do for her. Right now she's out enjoying the rain. Such a little nature grrl!!!

Co-sleeping a teether

Part of me wanted to title this post "Co-not-sleeping" because that's exactly what last night was. Lil Bean is growing two new teeth and one result was that she woke screaming several times in the night. Actually, she didn't really wake up, she just screamed until I latched her on, then she slept while nursing. It was an all-night-nurse-athon and this morning I feel exhausted as well as empty. She woke bright and early asking for milk (why did I teach her to sign!) but there was none. She drank it all in the night.
I am trying to keep my patience. I know it is hard for her being separated from me while I am in class... it's hard on me too, and not just because we have nurse-athons whenever I'm around!
We spent a year with no separation, and although I can see the value in following my own dreams and continuing along my own path, I question this separation. Why can I not bring her to the lectures? I brought her to my studio classes in the winter.
In three and a half weeks it will be over. I will be doing independent studio and history work in the fall, and Lil Bean will be able to tag along again. Mamatoto will be back in full swing!
I am so thankful that Lil Bean and I have a great Primary Babysitter. The continuity of care is so vital to this shift. Keeping a routine going and keeping the structure in her life has made this change easier on Lil Bean than it might have been. If only there was a way to make it easier on Mama!

How time flies!

Talk about having good intentions... I've been thinking about how I really need somewhere to write down my thoughts and experiences through this process, but I never seem to have the time to get in and actually do it. Right now Lil Bean is out with PapaBear and I have just gotten home from school.
Looks like another whirlwind of a term... No idea how I'll find time to get everything done.
Being a student was hard before becoming a mother. Now I really feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants (to use an overused expression!)
Since returning to school full time last winter I have found I am much more present with The Bean and much more balanced as a mother... though perhaps more tired and definitely busier than I have ever been in my life!
I was speaking with a wise woman about archetypes and have realized I am more of a "Rainbow Woman" than an "Earth Mother." It was so hard for me to let go of the idea of myself as an "Earth Mother," but now I am much more aware of my need to create.
Lil Bean has been teaching me so much about myself and what I am capable of... all I need now is to document this so I can look back on this progress.

Good intentions

I thought starting a Blog would be a good way to process/document the changes becoming a mother bring to my life, but I really haven't gotten that involved with it. I guess it's like making a commitment to run 4 times a week or something... It takes time and effort to start a new habit, and I am short on the first and putting more of the second into other areas of my life.

Sleep is something I am trying to make an effort at getting more of. When I first became acquainted with "attachment parenting" I was thrilled to find that my instincts seem to be in line with an entire parenting philosophy. I embraced it wholeheartedly. I have no regrets of doing this, but I was a little surprised to discover some of the "fine print." The stuff they don't tell you about.

For example: When you sleep with your baby, and wear your baby throughout most of the day, your baby will not necessarily sleep on it's own. Lil Bean does sleep. But only on my back. She will not nap in a crib or on the bed. If she falls asleep in my arms I cannot put her down. She wakes immediately. So, I wear her on my back for hours a day while she naps. I try to figure out how I could maybe nap too... what position would work...

Still, I cannot imagine the alternative. Letting a baby "cry it out" seems like base treachery. How can a being who is completely dependent on her parents for food, warmth, shelter and protection possibly be able to "self-soothe?" No thank you. I am confident that when Lil Bean is ready, she will emerge from her dependence on mama with confidence.